I was shocked to see your previous post about my personal business! I never realized it would be you airing my dirty laundry and selling insider stories to tabloids. I guess some people just can't handle their jealousy!
As you mentioned, things are changing now that I am a star. Unfortunately, you left out several key changes that need to happen.
First of all, breakfast needs to be served before noon. Quit calling it brunch and acting like it is a real thing. It's you being lazy! Breakfast should be served in the morning hours regardless of your schedule.
Second, getting distracted is not an acceptable reason to forget to feed me dinner! In fact, there are no acceptable reasons to forget to feed me dinner. And no, it doesn't count when you come in later apologizing and babbling about work. I like my dinner at 6; not at 10!
Third, "Pants Free" is not the way to be! Your personal philosophy regarding clothing seems to be "Pants Free is The Way to Be" at least around the house. I must strenuously object to this policy! Not only is it unsightly but you leave yourself vulnerable to accidental injury. Like that time you sat on my pine cone?! Cover your hairless self for everyone's sake!
Finally, quit posting about MY private life on the internet! I know it must be hard being an anonymous hoomin. Especially given my meteoric rise to fame but please try to manage your petty jealousies. No more inappropriate posts about my litter box habits!
I hope you will take this message to heart. I don't like having to publicly call you out but I will do it again if necessary!
XOXO Scarlett O'Hare
P.S. See you in a few hours for BREAKFAST!